And couples who know there is a better way to communicate with each other, but just can't seem to find it themselves.

The fight a couple has that causes them to divorce, is not the first time they've had that fight. It's just the last.

That argument is actually just about a difference that is true about the two of you, which you don't know how to talk across, yet.

Mediation is the art and science of talking across differences.

If you'll invite us in to that discussion, we can help you turn that obstacle into an opportunity for each of you to fully express all your needs, and have them heard and respected by your partner.

What if we're not fighting right now?

That's a great time to mediate! The first part of a mediation is rebuilding the good will between parties, so they become willing to listen to each other.

If you're in a good place right now, they you're ready to jump right in!

Therapy is based on the premise that if you understand yourself and your history, your life will work better. (We actually deeply support this belief.)

However, therapy is about your internal process, and conflict is interpersonal. It's true that you can't represent yourself and your interests well in a mediation unless you've done at least some introspection, but knowing yourself and your past doesn't seem to translate into peaceful relationships. It just sets the groundwork.

Mediation is present focused, instead of historic. As a result, it is often much faster (average 4 sessions to resolve presenting issue).

It is about teaching the communication (and listening) tools needed to get over the hard conversations with another person, rather than being just about self-knowledge.

Mediation is a discussion, your discussion.

Our job is to help you say everything you want to say, and to make sure your partner hears and understands what it means to you.

There's a science to expressing hard-to-hear ideas, and we not only do it for you, we teach you how to do it yourself, so the two of you can continue the dialogue alone.

What's a session like?

Sessions lasts one and a half hours. We ask each party to describe what they want help with, and then we repeat back what we understood, taking out all the hot language and judgments, so the other party gets to hear the content of your side, in a voice that doesn't trip off any of their defenses. We also echo back any feelings which are present, because honoring the way a situation feels to both parties is essential to freeing them up to be willing to hear the content of the other side.

We then help both parties translate their positions ("he never does his dishes") into needs ("I work full time, and it doesn't meet my need for fairness if the housework isn't shared equally").

We may do private sessions with each party, to help you understand your needs better, without the other party being present.

We identify the skills you already have, and then teach you the techniques and skills which you're needing. We also help identify the differences the two of you have (differences are a natural part of any marriage - they make joining your life with another person better as long as they are understood and you have the skills to bridge them). We also help each of you understand the particular sensitivities your partner has (usually based in their past experiences or sometimes just part of their makeup) so you can deal successfully with them even when your life touches into these sensitive areas.

Then we teach you how to negotiate agreements which meet both parties' needs.

We'll give you homework, aimed at helping you make the next steps together in increments that will succeed, even in areas where your habits are very ingrained.

Mediation is a "needs-based" conversation. When people speak angrily, or are judgmental, what's often going on is that they have some unexpressed need which isn't being met (because it wasn't expressed!).

Silence is another form of communication which is very likely to leave our needs unmet.

We mediators help both parties find and express their needs, and help the other party hear them.

So no matter how heated or old or hopeless a conflict feels, it can be mediated. 80% of all mediations result in success.

The kinds of situations which don't work in mediation, are ones where one or both parties, even with the help of the mediators, really don't know what they need. Therapy is the best tool for that kind of situation.

Also, mediation is a voluntary process. Both parties have to willingly participate.